Sorry I'm Late, I Got Twilight Zoned

Hi! I’m sorry! I can’t believe I’m so late. On the way here I got what I could only describe as “Twilight Zoned”. It’s when your Uber turns into a taxi and the driver is revealed to be a deceased person, in order to teach you a lesson about hubris.

You look amazing by the way!

It’s so silly: Even with the transformation, the app was saying an ETA of 6:15. But then he made a stop in this sleepy town where everyone seemed nice at first, but was actually the Devil in different attractive forms?

I don’t meant to do that thing where you “own it” like that makes it okay!

It’s just that once I got there I discovered beauty comes with a price, and it was a whole thing getting my face back from the department store in exchange for my lyrical dance talent. And if that weren’t enough, Russia almost bombed the US, but we learned while sheltering together that the real enemy lives within. 😞

This might be up there with the time I bought a HitClip off Depop that played more than one song. (Like even when the same thing was in it.)

I know, I suck! But I have to ask you a tiny favor. You know how I did that suborbital flight a few days ago? I’ve been feeling like maybe I crash-landed on the wrong Earth and your “me” is wandering around my original timeline? 😬 It’s just that dogs are reacting differently to me, and my husband says I’ve been having some pretty far out ideas about women’s lib. We’re gonna get me checked out for nervous womb, but I saw online that it could be a Final Destination thing where the cruel hand of fate has to reset the chessboard. Promise you won’t be mad if I start dematerializing before the check comes?

Ugh, you’re the best.